Spin
by Libertyne
Summary: Jackie and Hyde go through some rough times. Spoilers ahead.


******  
  
Author: Libertyne  
  
Email: Libertyne83@yahoo.com  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I own T70s. If you actually believe that, then will you believe that I own you too? Now get in the kitchen and make me a sandwhich!  
  
Summary: Jackie and Hyde are having problems. Plot is based on a spoiler for a future episode.  
  
Author Note: I know the episode won't go remotely anything like this, but it was fun to write. Oh, R/R please! That'd be cool.  
  
  
  
Spinning  
  
******  
  
In my seventeen years of life, I've learned a few things.  
  
It's probably human nature to try and make sense of things. Bad things just occur and we're left to pick up the pieces; I guess that's what we're all doing all the time. just picking up the pieces.  
  
You want to know something funny? I saw it coming.  
  
Really. I did.  
  
I saw that heartache coming. Well, at least when it happened I wasn't oblivious to everything.  
  
I must be getting better at this, which is really sad.  
  
I saw it on his face. I could practically see the wheels turning in his head. He was scared, afraid to settle down for once. But I dismissed it, as usual, and crushed the little pangs of doubt that were forming in my stomach. As usual.  
  
And then after not seeing him for awhile -- I forget why actually... Oh, wait, he totally left me for 2 ½ months -- he comes back and tells me that it's my fault.  
  
That I was the one who pushed him away and that I was an adultress. Where the hell did he learn that word, anyway?  
  
Anyway, after spending countless hours of arguing, he caved in. He told me that he was sorry and started babbling about how much he cared; about how much he really loved me. Just when I was about to fall for that stupid routine again, his dark eyes contradict everything he'd just said, and the past just proves he's not going to be there.  
  
As always.  
  
And you know what's sad? Steven Hyde has done more for me in six months of our relationship than Michael Kelso has done in 6 years.  
  
And somehow I managed to break the wrong person.  
  
I don't know what happened. Not really, anyway. I'd just finished talking to Mrs. Foreman about my parents and the sucky situation and then I decided to go see what was going on in the den.  
  
And then I saw him. And I saw her. Together.  
  
My heart landed in my stomach, and my head started to spin.  
  
It wasn't really jealously. It was... I don't know... Anger? Pain? Habit?  
  
"Get off my boyfriend!"  
  
And then everything went still.  
  
I looked around the room, my eyes wide. Donna's hand was resting on Eric's arm, her mouth was kinda gaping. Eric just blinked. Michael, God, Michael was just grinning. I couldn't help but look at Steven. My Steven. He looked confused. God, he looked hurt.  
  
The air in the room seemed to get thicker, and it got just a little harder to breathe.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Michael yelled, pumping his fists in the air.  
  
Finally, after what felt like a million years, I tore my eyes away from Hyde and managed to run out of the room. When I felt the cold air hit my face, I inhaled a deep breath.  
  
My house was empty when I got home. Of course. Even with the lights on, it didn't seem inviting. So instead of walking into a warm threshold, I walked into emptiness.  
  
******  
  
"Jackie? Jackie, are you here?"  
  
I lay on my bed, practically curled up in a ball with a pillow over my head.  
  
"Jackie?" Donna's voice seemed so much closer now. "You okay?" I could feel the edge of my bed shift.  
  
I threw my pillow aside and stared at the wall. "I'm cool."  
  
"Aw, Jackie." Donna said as she reached over and touched my leg.  
  
"I'm fine, Donna." I said sharply.  
  
"How can you say that?" Donna frowned. "Are you not aware of what just happened?"  
  
I could feel a lump forming in my throat. "Why don't you tell me?"  
  
"No," Donna raised her eyebrows. "why don't you tell me?"  
  
"Oh, Donna!" I wailed. "I... I don't know. One minute I was perfectly happy and then I saw them. I saw Annette all over Michael and something snapped."  
  
"I'll say." Donna shook her head. "So, wait, you actually still love Kelso?"  
  
"No!" I said sharply. "Donna, there's no way -- I don't think I could ever love Michael again..."  
  
"So what's the deal? Because judging by what happened back there, I'd say differently."  
  
"Michael and I were together for years, Donna. Years! And seeing him with someone else..."  
  
"But you know he's cheated on you before. I mean, you saw him with Laurie..."  
  
"This is different, though." I sniffled.  
  
"How?? Jackie, tell me how?"  
  
"When Michael cheated on me with Laurie, I broke up with him. I was still in love with him and I was miserable. But this is just different. It just is."  
  
"I don't get you... I really don't." Donna sighed.  
  
"I'm really happy when I'm with Steven. Really happy. And when Michael got jealous, I guess I sorta liked it. It was like I was paying him back or something. He finally felt what I felt. And then Annette comes to town and he's over me! Just like that! Donna, it took me so long to get over him and yet, the instant this bleached, blonde bimbo comes to town, he can forget about it all so easily. I know this isn't a first, but I was so dissapointed in Michael."  
  
"And what a surprise that is..." Donna rolled her eyes.  
  
"Donna!" I snapped.  
  
"Sorry." Donna held up her hands. "Go on."  
  
"I swear," I groaned. "I don't think I've ever been so dissapointed in my life! Well, except for the time when I found out M&M's really do melt in your hand..."  
  
Donna snorted and her hand quickly flew over her mouth.  
  
"Donna, I'm totally being serious." I bit out.  
  
"Sorry," she cleared her throat. "go on."  
  
"Isn't it amazing how someone can easily forget 6 years of their life?" I sighed.  
  
"Yeah, it is." Donna said, her voice simple. "So what're you going to do about Hyde?"  
  
"I don't know." I sighed. "God, what did I do?" I sunk under the covers on the bed, hoping they'd swallow me up or something. "My life totally sucks!"  
  
"Look, Jackie, I think you know what you have to do..."  
  
My face lit up, "Do you really think I could kick Michael's ass?"  
  
"No!" Donna protested. "Jackie, I'm not talking about kicking Kelso's ass. I'm talking about going and, I don't know, talking to Hyde?"  
  
"Oh, right." I grumbled. "Can't something be simple in my life? Just once?"  
  
"I know you're going through a hard time," Donna said softly. "Hey, it's more of a reason to talk to Hyde, dontcha think?"  
  
I looked down, "That depends..."  
  
"On?" Donna pressed.  
  
"On how mad he is." I rolled my eyes. "Duh, Donna!"  
  
I looked down at my hands, pretending to admire my now chipped nailpolish. "So...what happened after I left?"  
  
"Well," Donna exhaled. "Kelso the Idiot practically did a cheer on the couch and started singing something about being irresistible. Whatever." Donna waved her hands as if she were trying to dismiss the thought quickly. "Eric ended up knocking him off the couch. Fez was kinda confused. He swears that you're mad at him for some reason -- don't be surprised if he shows up at your door with a box of chocolates or something, by the way."  
  
"And Steven?" I asked.  
  
"Well," Donna nodded uneasily. "Hyde kinda retreated to his room and we haven't seen him since."  
  
"Great!" I sniffed. "That's just great! How else should I ruin my life, Donna? I mean, as if my dad going to prison and my mother being MIA isn't enough, why don't I just push the one person who might actually care about me away?"  
  
"C'mon, Jackie. If anyone has a way with working things out, it's... you."  
  
"What if I end up alone, Donna?" I asked suddenly. "What if this is how it ends for me? My daddy being sent off to prison, my mother partying in Mexico, and me, by myself?"  
  
"Oh, please!" Donna smiled as she lightly hit my arm. "You, out of all people, will not end up alone, Jackie. Even if you do go through six or seven marriages. Plus, there's still time, y'know? You can always go and talk to Hyde."  
  
"And if he doesn't want to see me? What if he totally rejects me? I don't think I can take anymore heartache; I've lost too much. I don't want to lose Steven. I can't lose Steven. I love him too much."  
  
"Did you... did you just say that you loved him?" Donna grinned.  
  
"What?" I shook my head. "Uhm, no..."  
  
"Stop the press! She admits it!" Donna laughed. "Oh my God. You just totally admitted that you're in love with someone other than Kelso!"  
  
"Is it really that big of a deal, Donna? I've loved other people too, y'know."  
  
"Unh unh. David Cassedy and Leif Garrett do not count, missy." Donna teased.  
  
"Whatever." I sighed.  
  
"Now, don't you think that you should be sharing that one little tidbit with someone else?" Donna coaxed.  
  
"Well, yeah, but I don't know if now would be a good time to waltz over to Steven and say, 'Hey, Steven. Sorry about what happened earlier! Oh, by the way, I love you.'"  
  
"Well, why not just start the conversation off a little easier?" Donna suggested. "Talk to him, Jackie."  
  
"You're right." I nodded. "I just need to talk to Steven. Maybe he'll understand."  
  
"And remember, if all else fails, you can always shine his boots until he forgives you." Donna grinned.  
  
"You know, I was going to tell you thanks for the peptalk, Donna, but nevermind..." I rolled my eyes.  
  
"So you're gonna go talk to him, right?" Donna asked.  
  
"Well, yeah, but not tonight. I need to think this out. You know, prepare an 'I'm so sorry' speech."  
  
"Well I'm sure Eric's talking to Hyde right now. You know, consoling him with a popcicle or something."  
  
"How do you do it with Eric?" I asked. "Actually, how does Eric do it with you. 'Cause you're totally the man in the relationship -- Ow!" I yelped as soon as Donna punched me in the arm. "Ugh! You're such an amazon, Donna!"  
  
"You should talk you little midget!" Donna scoffed. "Look, I'm going to go now, okay? My dad's been totally getting all Mr. Brady on me; You know, wanting to bond and crap. Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "So, I'll see you tomorrow, right?"  
  
I nodded.  
  
"It'll be okay, Jackie." Donna smiled. "I know it will."  
  
******  
  
I spent an hour trying to put together an 'Im-so-sorry-please-forgive-me- outfit.' After digging in my closet for hours and trying to accessorize, I decided that it really didn't matter how I did my hair or how I looked.  
  
I marched over to Eric's, ready to demand to Steven that he take me back. To point out how much he needs me.  
  
And then I started to walk into Eric's basement and all of that went away. Remorse pushed itself forward and I felt bad again. Like, really, really bad.  
  
I walked into the basement cooly and tried to ignore the chill that ran down my spine when I walked in the room. There they were, Eric, Donna, Michael(God, I hate him!) and Fez. Everyone except Steven.  
  
"What?" I asked casually.  
  
"He's in there." Fez, Donna and Eric all said at once. Fez actually pointed to Steven's room.  
  
"Oh." I said casually. "Okay."  
  
"Hey, Jackie." Michael said as he stretched out on the couch.  
  
"Michael." I replied, my voice cold.  
  
"So... you still love me, huh?" He smirked.  
  
Donna leaned over and frogged him in the arm.  
  
"Damn, Donna!" Michael yelped.  
  
I dropped my purse on the couch and walked towards Steven's room, silently debating on whether to knock or not.  
  
I decided on the latter.  
  
******  
  
I walked into his room and stood in the doorway for what felt like years. He was sitting in his chair, hands folded casually on his lap, his legs stretched out.  
  
"Hey." He said, not looking at me.  
  
"H..hey." I said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.  
  
And that was that. He didn't even say anything else. Just 'hey'.  
  
Ugh.  
  
I started to pace around the room. "Look, Steven... about yesterday --"  
  
"Are you going to apologize now?" Steven asked, leaning back in his chair. "'Cause if you are, you don't need to. It's cool."  
  
"Wait? What?" I stopped pacing.  
  
"Look, Jackie, this whole thing? Me and You? Probably shouldn't of happened in the first place. I mean, it was fun and all..."  
  
I pushed his legs aside and sat in the chair across from him. "Don't even do this." I bit out.  
  
"Do what?" He asked cooly.  
  
"Don't act like our relationship is nothing, Steven. Don't chicken out on me." I glared at him.  
  
"Hey! First off, I'm just stating the facts. Second, I'm not chickening out."  
  
"Is this how you make yourself feel better?" I asked. "By brushing it off and pretending that all we had was a fling? A stupid, meaningless fling?" I could feel the heat rush to my face. "You're such a... a coward!"  
  
"What do you want me to say, Jackie?" He sat up straighter. "Huh? How was this conversation planned in your head? Lemme guess, something straight from the movies right? Girl breaks Guys heart, Girl comes back to apoligize and then they kiss and make up? That it's all happily ever after? 'Cause it's not. This isn't a damn movie, Jackie. You can't just come in here and say sorry and then everything's okay! Alright? It doesn't work that way."  
  
"I know." I said quietly. You know, deep down that's what I wanted. I knew it wouldn't happen, but I was a hopeless romantic. I couldn't help it. Movies had happy endings. It was just the way it was.  
  
"I just thought that we could talk about this. That's all. I don't understand how you can just shut yourself down like this, Steven. It's not right. It isn't fair and it isn't right. Not to me.  
  
"Look, Michael was a big part of my life. He was my first... everything. I can't deny that. But it's over. I'm not in love with him anymore." I looked down at my hands.  
  
Steven cleared his throat. "Are you sure? 'Cause looking back, I can always see that the Jackie and Kelso story never ends. You're right, Jackie. Kelso is your first everything and I know that. Everyone knows that. You guys were practically perfect for each other; everyone thought so. Maybe you guys are meant to be together in the end. Maybe you and me were just passing time."  
  
"I would love to see this from your point of view, Steven. But, unfortuantely, I can't stick my head that far up my ass! Ugh!" I threw my arms up in the air. "Coward."  
  
"Oh, this is going real well." Steven said, folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Look," I leaned over and touched his leg and looked at him. I realized he wasn't wearing his sun glasses. His eyes were this different shade of blue. They were like this ocean blue, mixed in with little specks of green. Kinda like a calm after the storm.  
  
"Don't laugh, okay?" I warned. "Do..." I chewed on my lower lip for a second, silently searching for the right words. "Do you remember when Michael and I broke up and you and me were in my car? I got upset and I was scared that I'd never find someone better? Do you remember what you said?" I looked up at him, hoping he'd say something.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Yeah. I said that you would find someone better then Kelso..."  
  
"And I did!" My face lit up. "Steven," I said, my voice a little more calm, more serious. "I did."  
  
"Jackie, can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm the kind of guy you want? Because I can't offer everything he can. So if you want to be with me, you gotta be with me."  
  
In a sense, my own words to Michael were being thrown back at me by Steven.  
  
\\Look, Michael if you wanna choose me,then choose me, I mean really choose me. Let's get married.//  
  
Something of the same with a tad bit of difference; Steven wasn't looking to get married, just reassurance.  
  
"You know that feeling you get when you're on a roller coaster for the first time? Or you're going too high on a swing? Or you hit some certain bumps on the road and your stomach kind of flips?" I couldn't help but smile, just a little bit. "Well, that's the way I feel when I'm around you. Not all the time, but there are times when you'll look at me, or you'll hold me; and I can't even explain it - but that's what I feel. Michael's never given me something like that, Steven. Never."  
  
"So," Steven said slowly. "What are you trying to say here?"  
  
I drew in a deep breath, "Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've fallen in love with you. It's as simple and complicated as that."  
  
I was sure that I would end up choking on my own words, but I didn't. The words just seemed to flow freely out of my mouth. The world stopped spinning, and for one second I forgot to breathe.  
  
"Oh. Jackie, I, uh, well..." Steven stuttered.  
  
"You don't have to say it back, you know." I smiled wryly. "It's okay. I just needed to say that. I needed you to know that. I'm really sorry about what happened. Really. Steven, please, don't push yourself away from me because of that."  
  
Oh, God! Was I begging?  
  
Well, not really...  
  
"I'll even shine your boots for you until you forgive me!" I added in jokingly.  
  
Okay, now that's begging.  
  
"Okay look, Steven, if you don't say something I'm going to end up screaming or something."  
  
"I, uh, used to have this motto, I guess you can say it was something to live my life by or whatever." Steven said, running his hands through his hair clumsily. "Nothing can go wrong, nobody can hurt you, if you just don't care. And it worked, well for awhile anyway..."  
  
"I --"  
  
"Look, Jackie," Steven held his hand up. "I'm not going to pretend anymore. Yeah, you and me have something. It turned out to be more than a stupid fling. I can't lie to you... I was hurt when you said what you said. Before this whole thing happened -- you and me -- I was considered the strong one, the one who never got hurt. I felt like I was the epitome of invincibility. And then you came along and shook me from this really strong foundation that I spent years constructing. But at the same time, you managed to make feel, dare I say it? Special." He smirked at that. "You know how I feel even though I don't say it. You make me believe... believe that I'm not worthless... believed that I can be loved, am loved and can love others."  
  
My eyes stung, in a good way. It had to be one of the most beautiful things someone had ever confessed to me. Humphrey Bogart never got that way with Audrey Hepburn, y'know.  
  
I could imagine how I looked, sitting in front of Steven... completely on the verge of crying, and this big, goofy grin permantly glued on my face.  
  
"Hey," Hyde objected as soon as he took in my reaction. "No laughing. I didn't laugh at you!"  
  
"I'm not laughing at you, Steven." I sniffed. "I'm just so... so..."  
  
"Oh, God." He groaned. "You're going to cry aren't you? Yep, definitly going to cry..."  
  
"No!" I let out a small sob as I threw my arms around him. His arms swept around me as he pulled me into a hug. There was no hesitation this time, no fear.  
  
"Aw, Jackie, it's okay... really. Okay, aren't you supposed to be comforting me here?" He laughed.  
  
"Sorry." I said, looking up at him.  
  
"It's okay." He said coolly. "We're okay."  
  
And with that, he leaned down and swept his lips against mine.  
  
******  
  
Do I really need to say what happened next?  
  
Didn't think so.  
  
Yes, Steven and I made love for the first time and it was really, really something. The world stopped spinning for a moment and it was almost like we were the only two people in the world. Steven, of course, would laugh if I actually told him that.  
  
I know that twenty years down the line, Steven and I will still be together. Maybe we'll have 3 kids and he'll be a politician and I'll own my own boutique. And oneday, our kids' will ask us how we got together; I'll stick with my version and Steven will stick with his. And we'll tell them about our childhood and our friends; about the good times and the bad. We'll tell them about a basement, an escape, where life and growing up took place.  
  
That's too much to think about now, though. So for now, I'll lay here, in Steven's arms, taking in the moment. His hand is absently stroking my hair and we lay in complete silence, just enjoying what we have.  
  
There's really no point in pretending that certain things never were. I'm not going to go on with life and pretend that Michael was never a huge factor in mine, 'cause he was. He will always be a part of my life and I'll always love him. Just like I love Donna, Eric and, yes, even Fez.  
  
And Steven hasn't told me he loves me yet and I'm actually kind of happy. I think when it does happen, it'll make it all the more special. Michael told me he loved me after our 2nd date. I'm pretty sure he was serious. It's just... just so Michael -- falls in and out of love so easily.  
  
In the midst of all these wild and crazy thoughts, my hand reaches down and I feel Steven's Aerosmith t-shirt between my fingertips; all tattered and worn.  
  
"Steven?" I say quietly.  
  
"What?" Steven grunts, his fingers still twirling mindlessly in my hair.  
  
"We totally got to go shopping for you. Some of these clothes are just... blah!"  
  
"Oh, God." He groans. "Here we go again. Jackie, I like my clothes."  
  
"I don't know why." I shrug. "I think you would look adorable in some corduroy pants and a polyester shirt..."  
  
He snorts. "Okay, one, I don't do corduroy. Only dweebs like Foreman wear those. Second, I'm not supposed to look adorable. I'm supposed to look cool, you know, badass."  
  
"Well, can I at least buy you one pair of decent jeans then?" I sigh.  
  
"No..."  
  
I look up at him and pout. A look that he says that I've perfected.  
  
"Okay," He caves. "Fine. But I get to choose them."  
  
"What about shoes?" I ask sweetly.  
  
"Throw in a Ted Nugent shirt and we have a deal."  
  
"Yes, dear." I giggle.  
  
And that's the end of the conversation. Kinda refreshing, isn't it? We're both so much alike, stubborn and hardheaded but now we have room for compromise.  
  
I always thought that I would grow up and marry a doctor. He'd support me and buy me really pretty things. It was my goal.  
  
And now I have Steven. Someone who probably won't grow up to be a doctor and who probably couldn't give me the world, but he'd try.  
  
It's kinda funny. All our lives we set qualifications for the right person to love, while at the back of our minds, we know the person we truly love will always be an exception.  
  
******  
  
[FINISH] 


End file.
